Totally spot on!! I especially loved your comparison to married men. I have a severe NMD, and I think it’s interesting when there’s a cookout, and the abled bodied men get served first because them serving themselves food would be the end of the world. Everyone thinks it’s normal, and it’s their gf/wife’s duty to serve them. Yet when it comes to someone serving me, a disabled woman a plate, it’s a huge burden/hassle/inconvenience.
The comparison will hit home for many married/coupled persons I think. I know I have been told soooo many times how “lucky you are to have a man that chooses to stay with you.” Like, what?! It angers me so much. No/one asks what kind of care I provide or what load of the parenting/household stuff I carry - they just immediately go to this idea that the poor man with a disabled wife must be a saint. 😕 I am sure this happens to men who are disabled in relationships too. It’s like a disability becomes the only thing others see and everything else you bring to the table is just ignored.
Great piece. I think your definition of independence is about self-determination. The “greeting card” definition, as you put it, functions to deny our self-determination and dignity as PWD. I think it boils down to what benefits capitalism; capitalism cannot survive without eugenics.
I've become more & more convinced that "being alone" is not the same advantage for everyone as it is for people who worship the "greeting-card" independence. It's so frustrating to be told to live by something that doesn't work for you; so reading this has definitely been a breath of fresh air. Much thanks! <3
“Independence is having agency over the help you receive.” Your definition is brilliant, and it disturbs me when disabled people are treated as an afterthought.
Wow, so glad this showed up in my algorithm. I'm going to add this topic to our discussion list for the Reproductive Justice group I lead. Able ism, independence, agency.
And would love to hear your take on the term "activities of daily living" (ADLs).
Totally spot on!! I especially loved your comparison to married men. I have a severe NMD, and I think it’s interesting when there’s a cookout, and the abled bodied men get served first because them serving themselves food would be the end of the world. Everyone thinks it’s normal, and it’s their gf/wife’s duty to serve them. Yet when it comes to someone serving me, a disabled woman a plate, it’s a huge burden/hassle/inconvenience.
The comparison will hit home for many married/coupled persons I think. I know I have been told soooo many times how “lucky you are to have a man that chooses to stay with you.” Like, what?! It angers me so much. No/one asks what kind of care I provide or what load of the parenting/household stuff I carry - they just immediately go to this idea that the poor man with a disabled wife must be a saint. 😕 I am sure this happens to men who are disabled in relationships too. It’s like a disability becomes the only thing others see and everything else you bring to the table is just ignored.
Great piece. I think your definition of independence is about self-determination. The “greeting card” definition, as you put it, functions to deny our self-determination and dignity as PWD. I think it boils down to what benefits capitalism; capitalism cannot survive without eugenics.
I've become more & more convinced that "being alone" is not the same advantage for everyone as it is for people who worship the "greeting-card" independence. It's so frustrating to be told to live by something that doesn't work for you; so reading this has definitely been a breath of fresh air. Much thanks! <3
Well said.
Spot on! Thanks so much for naming it and revealing the truth in the meaning.
“Independence is having agency over the help you receive.” Your definition is brilliant, and it disturbs me when disabled people are treated as an afterthought.
Wow, so glad this showed up in my algorithm. I'm going to add this topic to our discussion list for the Reproductive Justice group I lead. Able ism, independence, agency.
And would love to hear your take on the term "activities of daily living" (ADLs).
Really excellent, thank you for explaining this
as long we are able to thing for ourself, we are independent
This is so, so key and so, so clear. Grateful for it!